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SATIRICAL NEWS / PARODY ARTICLES / FAKE NEWSPAPER STORIES / FROM NEWSISHY

Cat Café Fined For Cooking Actual Cats In Sickening Misunderstanding.

The eatery had been serving up feline dishes for 3 days before being closed down.

It was expected a new cat café in Wembley would be the usual kind of thing, a café where cats roamed free entertaining the guests with their presence and getting as many fusses as they deemed appropriate.
Unfortunately the owner of the new Yummy Pussies Café had no idea such places existed and assumed cat cafes were places which served dishes made with cats.

Owner of the establishment Lisa Ratic had led a sheltered life being raised in a strict religious commune which did not allow access to anything other than a bible for education and entertainment.
They did not allow any pets, only chickens which were eaten. When the commune collapsed due to all manner of awful stuff coming to light she was set free into the world with little knowledge of it.

FELINE BASED DISHES

Miss Ratic had seen an advert for a cat café in a magazine and just assumed they served cat dishes, she had no reason to think otherwise.
After finding some premises in Wembley and setting up the café she set traps to catch stray cats who she then euthanized.

After catching 2 cats she opened the café and began serving feline based dishes such as paw beans on toast, mog tail soup and kitty ribs.

The first complaints came with the first customers when they realised there were no cats wandering around in the café and the dishes served were literally cat based.

No dishes were eaten over the 3 days and a total of 16 zero star reviews received from the total of 16 customers who walked through the door.

Lisa Ratic was arrested for animal cruelty for trapping the 2 cats and euthanising them albeit humanely, selling cat meat products and attempting to serve illegal meat to customers.

At her trial the charge of trapping the 2 cats and euthanising them was dismissed after the judge confirmed it is currently legal in the UK to privately slaughter cats for human consumption (yup, that’s a thing) but was given a £500 fine for selling the meat and attempting to serve it.

Miss Ratic is in hiding believed to be abroad.


#SATIRE