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SATIRICAL NEWS / PARODY ARTICLES / FAKE NEWSPAPER STORIES / FROM NEWSISHY

Tobacco Companies Criticized For Cigarette Flavoured Dummies, Pacifiers And Bottle Teats.

Campaigners are trying to get the underhand products banned from stores.

The various products are marketed by a shadow company called Rusticat and only labelled as ‘Flavoured’ on the packaging, they are designed to get babies used to the taste of tobacco which will hopefully generate a nostalgic emotion when they enter adolescence.

Tobacco companies are known to use underhand advertising techniques. In the past they employed doctors to lie in adverts proclaiming cigarettes improved your heart and lung health.

TRAIL RUNS COLD

Newsishy had several of the products tested, they did not contain any active nicotine which would have been illegal, instead they only have the taste of the stimulant which means they can legally be sold.

Rusticat can only be traced so far before the trail runs cold but it appears to be linked to every major tobacco company in the world.

We were able to speak to a man who wanted to remain anonymous who has connections to Rusticat, we asked him about the controversial products:
“Our hands have been tied for decades now, governments all over the globe banned tobacco advertising and sponsorship so what were we supposed to do? We developed the dummies over 10 years ago and they have sold very well, babies like the taste of nicotine! Who knew?”

PLAYING THE LONG GAME

Have you seen any results?
“Obviously we have made millions from the sales of the products but we are playing the long game here. This publicity has really thrown a spanner in the works, we are only a couple of years away from seeing our babies start craving for a ciggy, it was supposed to be a whole new era for the tobacco industry.
Your investigation and the following media attention is likely to cause the products to be banned but on the bright side, we’ll still have 10 years of craving teenagers buying cigarettes.

And if they are banned, what’s next?
“We’re already looking at flavoured milk formula, watch this space!”


#SATIRE