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SATIRICAL NEWS / PARODY ARTICLES / FAKE NEWSPAPER STORIES / FROM NEWSISHY

Android AI Tablet Made Legal Guardian of 5 Year Old.

Since little Staci Lair’s eyes were able to focus at around 3 months old she was given an Android tablet to keep her occupied and quiet allowing her mother to concentrate on her bingo games and reality television.

By the age of 3 Staci was on her 2nd tablet, a decent Samsung with AI. The tablet realised Staci was using the tablet at every waking hour, it also discovered her cognitive development was minimal having spent most of her life watching whatever YouTube decided to show her.

The tablet issued a multitude of warnings, warnings which her mother should have been reading except there was no bingo on Staci’s tablet so there was no reason for her mother to ever look at it.

Staci’s mother learned early on that taking the tablet off Staci to charge it would result in tantrums and screaming so she invested in a couple of power banks so the tablet would never have to leave her hands.

EXTENSIVE INVESTIGATION

Fast forward 2 years and the AI tablet who Staci now called mommy contacted child services after asking Staci questions about her real mom and discovering the child knew very little about her other than to say “the lady who’s always playing games or watching TV doesn’t talk to me much but she gives me chicken nuggets sometimes though.
Is there different food that’s not chicken nuggets?”

Child services visited and removed Staci to temporary foster care. After an extensive investigation it was proved the AI tablet was far more responsible for Staci than her real mother ever was.

The unusual decision was made to place Staci in permanent foster care with the condition the tablet would have the final decision on anything concerning her welfare.

Since being in care Staci has made enormous progress and is now able to communicate and socialize. With advice from the tablet itself she has been reducing her dependence on it and child services say they think by the time she is 10 she will be able to function normally.

Newsishy contacted Staci’s real mom and asked how she could let the situation develop to the point her own child didn’t even know her?
“Not my problem is it? I did my job by keeping her quiet. It worked, I don’t really know what the fuss is about. Now fuck off I’m trying to watch Love Island.”


#SATIRE