After another arrest for indecent exposure Nigel’s DNA was taken and an officer secured a sample to send off to an ancestry company, we paid him and he gave us the report.
The Reform UK leader would like you to believe his roots are European in origin but the report we obtained paints a very different picture.
The report from www.wewillsellyourdnaprofiletothelargestbidder.com states that Nigel’s ancestry can be traced back to an Iranian man called Javad Hosseini Khamenei who was the father of the late Ali Khamenei and grandfather to the current Ayatollah.
PANIC INSIDE HEADQUARTERS
Newsishy has attempted to contact Nigel and his office but there has been no response. When we visited the headquarters in London there appeared to be panic inside while they tried to work out how to deflect the news from the media.
Because of his history of cosmetic surgery we suspect that Mr Farage has had skin lightening done to disguise his middle eastern roots.
We spoke to a man outside the headquarters in a white t-shirt, braces, tight jeans and doc martins and asked what he thought of the news:
“Fake news innit bruv, they’ll say anyfink to make him look bad. It’s the muslimists, they want sharlilala laws so we all have to pray 15 times a day and wear dresses.”
We didn’t bother to ask any more questions as he was just awful.
