There is shock worldwide today after President Trump apparently announced he has converted to Buddhism.
Public facts are thin on the ground at the moment but Newsishy was able to speak in confidence to a close protection secret service agent who was willing to give us information in return for money.
THAI MASSAGE PARLOUR
Apparently 2 days ago Trump visited a new Thai massage parlour in DC after his old one closed down due to deportations. The agent told us “He’s usually in and out in under 5 minutes but he was in this new place for 4 hours, when he emerged he looked strangely serene and just sat in the beast smiling at trees all the way back to the Whitehouse.”
The President has been unusually quiet for 2 days posting nothing at all other than the now famous image of him in his Buddhist robe and shawl. The agent confirmed Trump had been in his room since returning from the parlour, mostly chanting.
WEIRD PLEASURE
He said he overheard a conversation Trump had on the phone with an unknown person where he said
“It was the most beautifulist thing I’ve ever experienced, she was so so so gentle, she touched me softly, I’ve never been touched softly before, I didn’t know about that, I think she made love to me, all I felt was weird pleasure and this feeling in my chest which was really strange but she told me that was my heart and that was what love felt like and I guess now I know.”
There has been a rumour around the press room that Trump has turned vegan and ordered all 15,000 of his executive orders be rescinded but no official announcement has been made yet.
