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UK’s Most Polluted Place. Cars And Pets Dissolved By Acid Rain.

West Bromwich in the West Midlands is named the most polluted place in the UK.

It’s an average struggling working class town in the Black Country with one major difference, residents can no longer go outside without a hazmat suit on.
It all started 18 months ago after a series of fires in industrial units and factories all happened over a period of 3 days.

During the fires residents were asked to stay indoors because of the risk of chemical gas as is usual for fires involving dangerous substances. Around a week after the fires it rained and the first people started turning up at A&E with burns.

BURNING HAIR

We spoke on the phone to local resident Doris Thuttston who was admitted to hospital 2 weeks after the fires.
“I’d just popped round the corner shop to get some Murray Mints, it was spitting a bit, you know that light rain gets you damp all over. When I walked into the shop Mr Patel said my head was smoking, he wasn’t joking either.
I could smell burning hair and it was coming out in handfuls. He called an ambulance for me. I never did get those Murray Mints.”

Seth Sifalis is still coming to terms with what happened around a month after the fires.
“I’ll never forget that day. The weather was terrible, raining in sheets it was, you know that heavy rain that gets you wet inside and out. Anyway that’s never stopped me and my Mitsy from going for a walk, she loved it.
We went to the park down the road, she was trotting alongside me as usual then I noticed the lead dragging. I looked down and there was just a skeleton with a bit of goo on it, it was horrible, the rain had dissolved the poor little shit, she didn’t deserve that. I picked her up and put the bits in my pockets, by the time I got home my coat and cap were on fire, I only just got them off in time.”

100,000 HAZMAT SUITS

Newsishy contacted the MP for West Bromwich Clari Sait and asked what was going on?
“We can assure all residents that there no issue with acid rain in the area”

But you have issued over 100,000 hazmat suits to your constituents:
“We did that purely as a precaution but would absolutely encourage residents to wear them at all times outside, for the love of god, wear them”

Newsishy did not go to West Bromwich so we asked Doris to send us a picture.


#SATIRE