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Starbucks And Costa Coffee Go To Literal War For Control Of The Highstreet.

The number of violent clashes between staff from opposing coffee retailers has increased dramatically over the past 2 weeks.

Incidents between Starbucks and Costa Coffee employees have been reported every day with no sign of things calming down.

Tensions appear to have started around a month ago when a Starbucks barista posted a TikTok falsely accusing the Costa Coffee across the street of buying coffee dregs from them to make their own drinks.
This caused several Costa staff to visit the Starbucks demanding the barista take down the video which had been viewed over 3 million times. After refusing to oblige a fight broke out injuring multiple baristas on both sides.

WE JUST WON’T TAKE IT ANYMORE

News of the incident spread, increasing anger and leading to more clashes.

Speaking to a Costa Coffee manager in the West Midlands who did not want us to use his name.
“We just won’t take it anymore, we’ve had those Starfucks idiots throwing bricks through our windows and attacking our guys when they leave work, I’ve got 1 guy with a broken nose and a trainee with 4 teeth knocked out.”

We asked if there had been retaliation from his store
“I certainly haven’t ordered anything and deny we had anything to do with that van being driven through their fancy front doors.”

A Starbucks regional manager who also did not want his identity revealed told us
“We’re not backing down, I’ve directed all of my stores to retaliate with extreme prejudice. Theres masked gangs of Costa cucks entering our shops and beating my guys with fucking bats and chains, I’ve got 2 in intensive care and one woman lost a leg. I’ve had shipments of weapons delivered to all of my stores with orders to use them.”

Police have released a statement saying “We are aware of violent incidents happening around the country between 2 coffee retailers. Anyone involved in these serious offences will be prosecuted and we appeal to both parties to cease this aggression before someone gets killed.”

Unsubstantiated reports that both sides have hired mercenaries from South America are being investigated.


#SATIRE