In a horrifying incident a homeless man is being treated in hospital after being attacked by a squirrel in a park. Jake S. Antimo had been sleeping on a bench in Handsworth park in Birmingham after a heavy evening consuming super strength cider. From his hospital bed he described what he could remember about his unusual awakening. He was stirred by a scratching on his scrotum which had popped out of a hole in his trousers and had been pushed through the slats of the wooden bench while he was intoxicated.
It looked like a demon from hell
Even more disturbing was the fact he was able to watch what was happening throughout. Jake said “It was a sharp scratching on my ballsack that woke me up. When I went to turn over I couldn’t because my balls had squeezed through the slats. It really hurt when I tried to move but I wish that was the only pain. I was on my front and I saw a squirrel under the bench that was scratching at my balls, I shouted at it but that didn’t bother it at all. I could have swore it looked me dead in the eyes before opening its jaws and taking a bite of my sack.
It really fucking hurt and I saw blood dripping onto the floor. Luckily it was only the skin of my sack. I screamed like a madman but that only seemed to make the little shit more interested, that was when it really started going to work. I was helpless, trapped by my balls. The beast was on its hind legs holding one of my nuts between two paws and started gnawing on my actual bollock. I have never felt pain like it, my screaming only encouraged the thing, it was drenched in my blood, it looked like a demon from hell and it just kept going, it was then that i must have passed out due to the pain.”
Evil Smile
He continued in tears “I came round after a bit, looked through the slats and there it was, sat up with half of one of my balls chewing away, I screamed again at both the sight of it and the pain which seemed to make it sneer at me and then look up to my ballsack or what was left of it with what I can only describe as an evil smile it pushed the unfinished bollock into its mouth pouch and went for my other one. It jumped up and started hanging from it, I can’t describe the pain as it swung and chewed on my last nut, it could have easily snipped it off but the fucker was enjoying my torture. I was obviously screaming like mad for the past 15 minutes and someone must have alerted the police because a couple of coppers ran over and after they had stopped pissing themselves they sprayed PAVA on the animal and it ran off with a decent chunk of my last seed. I can tell you that PAVA stuff bloody stings on an open wound”
Local police have confirmed that an animal attack had taken place in the park and the victim was known to them as he’s a regular face around the area. PC Martin J. Southrowy said patrons of the park should be aware that there is a squirrel with a taste for blood and maybe a penchant for torture on the loose asking local people to be aware and not take any unnecessary risks such as napping on the ground or on park furniture. The hospital has confirmed that Mr Antimo has lost reproductive function after they were forced to remove what was left of his last testicle, “there was just a bit of gristle left” they said.
