Residents of Cleethorpes are struggling to process a bizarre phenomenon that has left local business owners baffled and birdwatchers both horrified and impressed—seagulls appear to have learned how to place takeaway orders via food delivery apps.
Alastor Pefksela, owner of a popular local chicken shop, first became suspicious after noticing an unusual trend in delivery orders. “At first, I thought nothing of it,” he said. “We kept getting orders to strange locations—‘bench by beach,’ ‘bus shelter 29’—but as long as the orders were paid for, we just followed instructions to ‘leave outside.’”
Other takeaway owners in the area had reported similar patterns, but things took a more surreal turn when Pefksela decided to investigate further.
“I was getting three or four of these dodgy orders a night, so I thought, right, I’ll deliver one myself and see what’s going on. I left the food by a bench, as requested, then parked across the road to watch. After a couple of minutes, no person showed up—but a really fat seagull swooped down and started tearing into the bag. I laughed at first, thinking it served the customer right for not picking up their food sooner. You can’t leave food lying around here for long before those squawky twats arrive!”
But as the strange orders continued, Pefksela grew more curious. He personally delivered several more over the following nights, each time witnessing a similar outcome—orders left unattended and immediately claimed by abnormally large seagulls.
The Seagull Conspiracy Unfolds
At first, locals dismissed the incidents as coincidence, but then a crucial clue emerged. Over the past few months, Cleethorpes residents had been sharing viral videos of seagulls snatching mobile phones straight from people’s hands and flying off. Initially, it was seen as just another example of the town’s notoriously aggressive bird population. However, it now appears the thefts were part of a more sophisticated operation.
Then, Pefksela saw something that left him questioning everything he knew about nature.
“I was waiting near the bus stop, hoping to catch whoever was placing these orders, when I noticed a particularly overweight seagull perched on a wall. Right in front of it was a stolen smartphone,” he recalled. “And I swear on my life, this fat little shit was using its beak to scroll. I watched it tap open the Just-Eat app and place a bloody order! I kid you not!”
He claims that roughly 20 minutes later, a delivery driver pulled up at the bus stop, left a bag of food as instructed, and drove off. The same seagull then picked up the stolen phone, tucked it behind a bush, and waddled over to the bag, ripping it open and devouring three pieces of chicken and fries before flying away.
Scepticism and Warnings
Despite the outlandish nature of his claim, Pefksela is standing by his story, even as he faces ridicule online. “People can laugh all they want, but I know what I saw,” he insisted. “And at the end of the day, I’m not losing out because the food is paid for. But people need to wake up and see what these feathered fucks are capable of! It won’t be long before they’re ordering hits on the dark web!”
While no confirmed footage of a seagull placing an order has yet emerged, local businesses and residents are now being urged to keep a closer eye on their phones—because in Cleethorpes, the birds aren’t just after your chips anymore.
