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100% Of One Pound Coins Are Fake, Says Royal Mint.

The shocking revelation came after YouTube coin collector Noel Art used his high tech machines to test over 20,000 one pound coins from all over the country. The video he published went viral to the point of it being used in parliament as a reason for an investigation.

Newsishy spoke to Noel and asked why he made the video.
“Coins are my thing man, I wanted to get a percentage of fake quids in the country. We all get the odd one which looks like it was made by a blind bloke in a shed, then we spend the day looking how we can hand it off to someone else. So I thought it would make a great vid.”

How did you test for the fakes?
“You can’t just use one method to discover a fake because there are so many methods to make them. So I’ve got my toys here, first I’ve got my massive magnet, you wouldnt believe the amount of idiots that make quids out of steel. I found 3846 fakes immediately just by tipping them out of the bags.

100% RESULT

Next I used the Sigma machine which looks at the composition and stuff of the metal, it’s very accurate at detecting a good fake, we found 11,527. That was when I put the final 4627 quids through the XRF machine, that’s some high tech shit and will detect the tiniest flaw in the coin. Every single one of that last batch failed! I had a 100% result!

The last 2 batches prove these things are being made by professionals, possibly government mints, they are insanely good”

After MP for Walthamstow Rupe Elis demanded in parliament for an inquiry 8 months ago the Royal Mint has been tight lipped with no comment until today’s report.

Newsishy spoke to the head of the Royal Mint, Staci Lair, we asked how this happened?
“Ok, full transparency. Everyone knows there have always been fakes which we remove from the system but this is different. The ultra fine fakes which Noel found are minted, like literally minted, whoever they are they have the same equipment and machines as us. They are indistinguishable to the naked eye.

KEPT UP SUPPLY

The mint discovered that the illegal coins were being introduced at an incredible rate, so many that it kept up the supply of one pound coins usually supplied by us, the UK’s Royal Mint; we haven’t made any new coins for 6 years. We’re saving a fortune!
When the Queen died we just sent our new designs to some guy on the dark web and within a month they started appearing.

The public does not need to be worried, your pound coins will still be accepted in banks and work in all machines, we will step in if their quality falls but there’s no sign of that happening.”


#SATIRE