Opinions are divided today after London chef Joey Kousino revealed the new menu at his Michelin starred restaurant Affluditz which is a top spot for rich and famous. Joey, known for his extravagant and unusual dishes sometimes served in original ways, unveiled the menu in a press event at the restaurant this morning.
Although the foodie press were expecting some surprises and were not disappointed with new dishes such as the Deep fried mayonnaise marbles on a bed of nettles and Ground smoked turkey beak which is served by a heavy smoker dipping his tobacco stained fingers into some partridge dripping and then into a bowl of the ground turkey beak before presenting his fingers for the patron to lick or suck there was one item that grabbed attention.
Insects are a tricky sell
Blattodea Potage, we asked Joey about the dish. ”It’s very special, something I have been developing for years” he said obviously excited that he is finally bringing it to his menu. “Insects are a tricky sell, at least in Europe, I had to change opinion here, especially the opinions of the rich. They want expensive stuff but that’s not enough, they need to know that totally unnecessary steps have been taken to bring it to the table, that’s what makes it special and overpriced. I raise the cockroaches myself from tiny eggs. From birth they are fed a strict diet of foie gras, caviar and gold flakes. They are housed in a London penthouse purchased just for them where they roam free over the finest silk and Egyptian cotton. I care for them like I care for my own children. When they reach 6 months old I drown them in champagne.”
The process of making the dish itself is a closely guarded secret, when we pressed Joey for details he said “There are multiple stages after the champagne, I employ a barefoot world champion Japanese sumo wrestler for the initial squishing process and that’s all you’re getting.”
A dish worthy of our standing
Opinions seem to differ vastly between patrons of Affluditz and people on the street. We asked customers as they left and all were very enthusiastic even after we had to explain to a few of them that the soup was actually cockroaches. “I’m sure Chef Joey would only ever present us with a dish worthy of our standing” One lady said while a gentleman dressed in a crystal leotard proclaimed “I loved it darling! I get take outs every night from Affluditz, I never know what I’m eating but I get to spend a grand and not think about it!”
We also asked passers by what they thought. “Well they’re idiots aren’t they, more money than sense, nearly a grand for pest soup. I’ll give the chef some credit for making the rich twats eat that shit” said one man while a dog walker said ”I bet that chef is getting them cockroaches from the pet shop for a quid and blitzing them in a Ninja. Fucking pricks are literally eating it up.”
The Food Standards Department said “Cockroaches are not on our safe list so technically Chef Joel is breaking the law by selling this dish. We do usually prosecute in such cases but as Chef Joeys father is a high ranking diplomat we aren’t going to bother.
