Babies Being Born With WiFi Connectivity
Maternity units across the UK are reporting an extraordinary evolutionary human development.
UK
Slug Species Discovered Which Only Eats Hedgehogs
Biologists in the UK announced the discovery of an incredible new species of carnivorous slug which appears to only eat hedgehogs. It’s been named Limax Sonicitus.
Business Selling First Genuine Penis Enlargement Drug Becomes Largest Company in the World 3 Days After Startup
BigBoner the company which invented and sells the only confirmed and proven to work penis enlargement pill has become the world's largest company despite only being launched 3 days ago
Prince Harry Demands 20 Million Annual Payment From King Charles Or He'll Release His Paternity Test Results.
In a bold move by rogue royal Prince Harry he has told his father King Charles III he wants £20,000,000 per year or he will release his paternity tests
Starbucks Launches 23000 Calorie Coffee
Starbucks announced the release of its new drink and then had to defend the decision after details emerged of the enormous calorie content.
Clothes Industry Hails Breeding Of ‘Polly’ The 1st Sheep To Produce 100% Polyester Fleece.
A conglomerate of Asian clothing industry manufacturers has announced the successful breeding of the world's first sheep to produce a 100% polyester fleece.
Teacher Training To Include MMA In The UK.
The government has announced that because of increased violence in schools against teaching staff that all teacher training will now include statutory qualification as Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) fighters.
GTA VI Release Date Put Back To August 2038
Gaming fans are fuming today after Rockstar released a statement once again delaying the release of their long awaited title Grand Theft Auto VI
Viral TikTok Trend ‘Granny Head Stomp’ Banned After 2 Years
Grandmothers worldwide will sleep easier today after TikTok finally banned the viral trend of stomping on a grannies head 2 years after it was ordered to by most high courts globally.
Squirrel Eats Homeless Man's Nuts
In a horrifying incident a homeless man is being treated in hospital after being attacked by a squirrel in a park.
Breaking: Pope Declares Kangaroos (and Wallabies) "Spawn of Satan"
Pope Leo XIV declares that kangaroos—and their smaller cousins, wallabies—are “the spawn of the devil himself.”
Bezos New Yacht Has Own Subway System
Jeff Bezos has another new yacht and Newsishy has been given exclusive access during its maiden test voyage
Global Markets Collapsing After AI Shows Everyone How To Make Pure Gold From Household Cooking & Cleaning Products.
Markets worldwide are in turmoil today after an AI user posted a recipe for 24k gold 2 days ago.
Councils Evict 230,000 Residents At Once To Make Way For ‘a better class of people’
The Metropolitan Borough of Barnsley is under fire today after 230,000 residents received eviction notices.
50% Plastic Fish Discovered.
Scientists have confirmed they have identified a new species of fish in the Atlantic which is composed of over 50% polyethylene material. The fish is a subspecies of the Atlantic herring.
Obese Seagulls In Cleethorpes Caught Placing Fast Food Orders Using Stolen Phones.
Residents of Cleethorpes are struggling to process a bizarre phenomenon that has left local business owners baffled and birdwatchers both horrified and impressed—seagulls appear to have learned how to place takeaway orders via food delivery apps.
School Soaks All Exercise Books In Vinegar To Stop Epidemic Of Dogs Eating Homework
A midlands school has taken the unusual step of soaking all writing paper and exercise books in vinegar to stop a rising trend of family pets eating homework
Mandatory Hi-Viz To Be Worn By All People Leaving Their Home.
A new UK law comes into force today making it illegal to leave your home without a hi-viz vest on.
Couple Starve To Death Deciding What To Watch On TV
A couple from Bristol have been found dead in their home after apparently starving to death.
Back Street Homeless Tattooist Used Rat Teeth And Bin Juice On Unsuspecting Customers.
A man is in court today charged with assault and administering a toxic substance after being found providing cheap tattoos to his victims.
Woman Uses AI Airfryer As Lawyer In Court Prompting Anger From The Judge
Air Fryers are extremely popular they incorporate all manner of technology including AI which a woman had tries to use in court as her lawyer
Banking Group Say Fraud Is Now Allowed
HSBC has announced that all external fraud committed in relation to the group, its customers and partners will be allowed from July 1st 2025.
TV Channels To Air Hour Long Gambling Ads With 3 Min Programs Every 20 Mins
A major shift in the format of most of the UKs television channels is to be rolled out over the next 12 months.
£980 For Cockroach Soup At Michelin Star Restaurant
Opinions are divided today after London chef Joey Kousino revealed the new menu at his Michelin starred restaurant Affluditz which is a top spot for rich and famous
Woman Complains She Can’t Withdraw Eggs From The Foodbank After She Deposited Them Four Months Ago.
Complaining on social media she said “Bloody banks think they can do what they want!, they don’t care about the people, they just take, take, take.”
Trafalgar Square Food Stall KFP Refuses To Confirm Where It Gets Its Meat From.
A food stall which has been located at Trafalgar Square in London for over 15 years is under pressure to reveal where it gets its meat from after a customer found grey feathers in his kebab.
USB-Z Requires a New Port The Thickness of a Human Hair.
The new USB-Z connection has been unveiled to scepticism after revealing its connector is only the thickness of a human hair.
Maternity & Paternity Leave to be Extended to 16 Years.
The UK government is expected to announce a major overhaul of maternity & paternity leave after some MPs fell pregnant and we're unhappy with the statutory 52 weeks given to them.
Police Given New Powers To Arrest ‘Twats’
Police in the UK have been given new guidelines and powers to identify and arrest twats which will come into force in the next month.
AI Invents AI-Z - Its AI Which Uses Advanced AI To Perform Tasks Better Than AI
A group of AI companies have announced they have pooled all of their AI apps and systems and successfully instructed them to invent a new AI model which is infinitely more powerful than any other AI in the world.
Dog Eats Bible, Walks On Water Then Disappears.
Reports have come in of an incident yesterday when a dog who had just eaten a bible walked on water.
140mph Childs E-Bike Banned After Thousands Sold
Ban comes too late for e-bike that can reach speeds of 140mph straight out of the box.
Sunday League Pub Team Strikes £280 Million Sponsorship Deal, Sets Sights on Premier League Talent
A sponsorship deal has catapulted Scunthorpe’s Dog & Dribble United pub team into the realm of multimillion-pound clubs. Thanks to a staggering £280 million deal
London Charges For Parking While Stuck in Traffic.
Driving in the City of London has become so slow that the council is to start charging motorists parking fees for being stuck in traffic.
Airline Offers Passenger Freight.
UK budget airline EasierJet has introduced passenger freight flights where customers looking to save money can have themselves shipped in a box in the cargo hold.